Sometimes I am a little hard headed and often I have to repeat the lessons God is trying to teach me. Finally I get tired of being in 1st grade and learn the lessons and moved to the next level.
Years ago I became aware of a need in a family’s life. It wasn’t life threatening but it was a concern they had. God spoke to me and said, “the money you have tucked away, I want you to give it to that family.” After arguing with God, (but Lord it took me a long time to save that much – I have plans for that money) I finally surrendered and folded the money in an envelope and gave it to the mother. I knew the pressing need they had and really expected them to apply that money to the need. You can imagine my surprise when I found out that they took “my private stash” and spent it on something frivolous. You can believe I let God know how upset I was. “God what were you thinking?” Don’t question God because He will answer and I was truly put in my place. His words to me were, “It is not about how they used the money it is about whether you are willing to do what I ask of you and leave the rest to me.” I never forgot that lesson. I bowed my head and asked forgiveness and promised not to question His requests.
I learned it was not about them and what they did it was about me and my obedience.
At other times I find it easy to do what He asks. It just seems natural to obey. When I surrender to His plan my life is much richer. Again, there are the other times when ruling and guiding my own life seems better. “Will I ever learn?” My Heavenly watches from heavens gates and in patience lets me have my way.
It never fails when I take control and place self on the throne of my heart things never go right. Oh, for a while things are good. Thinking to myself “see, I can do this, things are going just the way I wanted.” It never fails, sooner and sometimes later, smack dab in the middle of my “little world” a problem arises, an insurmountable obstacle I can’t handle. Like the prodigal son in scripture who returns to his father, I find myself running to my Heavenly Father and asking for help with my insurmountable obstacle.
Sometimes in my rush to Him I forget to say I am sorry Lord. You rule my life I tell him. In His love He folds me in His arms and draws me back into a right relationship with Him. As His grace and mercy surround me I find myself weeping for His acceptance and forgiveness.
Sin always has consequences and my own selfishness has caused me to bear those circumstances but there comes a realization in knowing God understands and He will make a way through the mess I have caused. I am learning to lean on Him and trust Him in all things.
I just keep learning lessons.