I Just Don’t Know

I don’t like to admit that I don’t know.  After all, mothers are supposed to know everything.  When my kids were little I had the answer to all their questions.  When they moved on to their teen years they were positive that I knew nothing.

In the early years of their schooling, I could pretty well answer questions and help with their homework.  As they moved into junior high and high school it became more difficult.   If questions came up about advanced math, forget it.  This mom was the original dummy.  Did I mention math is not my strong suit?

The teenage years brought a whole set of challenges about what I knew and I didn’t know.  I would get the roll of the eyes or the body language that said: “really mom, you don’t understand and you can’t possibly know.”  As they grew older it became amazing how much intelligence I gained between their years of 18 through 24.

As for myself, I don’t like to admit I don’t know.  Somehow I perceive that if I don’t have an answer I feel inadequate and somewhat of a failure.  Intellectually I know that is not true but emotionally I don’t want to admit to this. Somewhat of a perfectionist causes me to have to be perfect.  God and I are working on this.

While my kids grew up so did I.  Now in the senior years of my life I have no problem with saying “I don’t know.”  Age brings a certain advantage.  I have seen many things in my lifetime and experienced a multiplicity of situations.  Each life experience has brought knowledge and insight that can only be gained through living long.  Still, there are things I just don’t know.

Ira Stanphill penned a song “I Know Who Holds Tomorrow” and is one of my favorite.  When things in my life were difficult, I found myself sitting at the piano playing and singing this song.  Tears would run down my face as the words brought comfort.  The song starts with words that I have said many times.

“I don’t know about tomorrow, I just live from day to do……Many things about tomorrow I don’t seem to understand but I know who holds tomorrow and I know who holds my hand.” (Ira Stanphill)

 With the wisdom that age brings I have learned to say, “I don’t know” and I am at peace with this because my Heavenly Father holds my hand.  He has the answers I don’t.

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